So the Golden Globes happened and everyone looked like crap. I am not going to mince words (when do I ever?), but from a fashion standpoint this years awards season is off to a worse start than George Clooney’s claim that he is heterosexual. Seriously though if Stacy Keibler (is that her name?) is your best chance of a beard in a pinch then this country really is going down the tubes.
Let’s start with the good…
Janeeeeeeeeeeeee Foundaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (Oprah voice)
Jane Fonda is 74 and knocked it out of the park. I can’t even find a photo of her from the actual red carpet because this old broad couldn’t be bothered to stand next to the dumpy modern day starlets and have her picture taken. But when she took the stage to present I knew she was the night’s winner. She looked hot, age appropriate and a little daring. A triumvirate that no other woman in Hollywood even came close to that night.
The fact that Nicole Richie made my list should be an indication of the slim pickins available at the Golden Globes. That being said my favorites all skewed slightly robotic and I am not just talking about Nicole Kidman’s face. I am a sucker for sequins, bodycon and a stud here and there, especially at the Golden Globes which are supposed to be the “fun” Oscars. Viola Davis did not fit in with this trend but I just thought she looked smashing…great color, INSANE body and her hair and accessories really made the look complete.
Great Night for Plus-Sized Gals
Very few women are the size of a toothpick and that can make dressing for an awards show extremely difficult, especially since most designers are clamoring for the most skeletal woman on the red carpet. That being said I thought that the more voluptuous women were some of the best dressed.
And now for the bad…
2012 Mila Kunis: 2002 Gwyneth Paltrow Wants Her Dress Back
Last year Mila Kunis was on every best dressed list and this year she is wearing an ABS version of Gwyneth‘s biggest mistake. Fashion cycle, you are a cruel mistress.
Auditioning for Little House on the Prairie Remake
Sigh…Amanda Peet you are really cute and I wish you were my celebrity doppelganger…so why are you wearing this tutu gone rogue?
Jessica Biel…someone needs to have an intervention with you, seriously. You supposedly just got engaged to Justin Timberlake and this is what you are wearing?!?! This shmata?!?! Whoever told you that you looked good before you walked out the door should 100% be fired because your outfit was a nightmare.
I really hope people bring it for the Oscars this year or else I might have to stop caring about this pointless pageantry altogether. In case you are wondering where I developed my fashion rage, below are a few choice comments from my mom during our 3+ hour long gchat during the Globes.
Ann Spector’s Greatest Hits
Mommy: Madonna aka Miss Kabbala was wearing a cross the size of the Chrysler Bldg
Niffy: Are you still crushing on viggo mortensen?
Mommy: Yes, good memory
Mommy: Why is he groping her? Why didn’t he shave wth a new razor?
Mommy: Is his wife also a midget?
Mommy: Helen Scorcese could have gotten her hair done…