Tag Archives: Gwyneth Paltrow

Oscars Roundup: All the Gossip Minus Any Mention of Who Won

29 Feb

I look forward to the Oscars all year, and this year I would have rather had a colonic, I’m not kidding.

Mon dieu, this is what it's like at the Oscars?

Suffice to say this was the worst Oscars in history, from the clothes, the host, the films nominated and most certainly that weird Cirque du Soleil performance, this show stunk. So let’s not even bother talking about it any more, it gives me heartburn. Let’s move onto the Vanity Fair party because that’s where all the action was.

So that's where they have been hiding the glamour!

You have to fling the bird past those blocks, then blow it up

So then I said, let's call my alter ego Dick

One of these is not like the others (funny)

One of these is not like the others (talented)

"I didn't think that bitch Meryl Streep deserved it either!"

"Man I told you Tower Heist was a bad idea but you wouldn't listen"

Still waiting to solve that man or Muppet conundrum...

"Who's ready for me to host next year?"

I Am a Gwyneth Paltrow Apologist

25 Apr

Gwyneth Paltrow is on a roll and I am willingly along for the ride.

A knowing smile that says, "I have no pores and am awesome."

For years I have held a grudge against Gwyneth and her GOOP ways – “casual” outfits comprised of $2000 pants, the Tracy Anderson method, foisting her macrobiotic muffins on me, and for goodness sake her kids are named Apple and Mozes!

But recently something in me changed – maybe it was her performance on Glee, or the delightfully cheesy Country Strong or her deep relationship with Jay-Z (any friend of Jova’s is a friend of mine), but my disdain slowly morphed into tolerance, respect, and now all out adoration. I love Gwyneth Paltrow!!!

The annual mixer for alumni from Spence and the Marcy Projects

Full disclosure: I readily admit Gwyneth is an elitist, smug, wealthy and enviously slender woman who is beyond out of touch. However, she is also funny as hell and there is something to be said for someone who just comes out with a cookbook, develops a singing career, or does whatever else her  heart desires. Plus it is my hunch that her husband Chris Martin is a big old WLB (whiny lil bitch) and she is just doing a lot of this stuff to get out of the house and away from his harmonizing.

Regardless of her image she is indisputably a talented actor, a so-so singer –  and closest to my heart – a good cook. Of course there are a million better and more deserving cooks out there, but none of them have such perfectly shiny hair as Gwyneth!

Duck Ragu, Paltrow style

I purchased her new cookbook My Father’s Daughter as soon it came out and though I have yet to make a single thing, I dogeared many recipes for later. The book is an escapist’s dream that takes you on an enjoyable culinary journey through Gwyneth’s charmed life. Back to reality you realize that although you don’t have a pizza oven in your Notting Hill garden, you can still make a mean dough. Beyond the recipes, the book is worth it just for the  Gwynnie-isms that are sure to make even the biggest Goopette cringe, I rolled my eyes at least 15 times.

Gwyneth Patrow’s positive and negative qualities are really one in the same – but at the end of the day, who cares? She makes me laugh and I love watching her schmooze it up in this video with the Seinfeld’s.

How are youuuuuuuuuuu?

I actually think Jessica Seinfeld out-Gwyneths Gwyneth and steals the show. After watching this video I succumbed to Jessica Seinfeld’s charms and fell down the rabbit hole into her do it delicious website and YouTube channel. Maybe I will write a series of posts on wealthy women, their Sub-Zero kitchens and their “down home” recipes.

Next up Seinfeld, then who knows, maybe Sarah Jessica Parker will write the Carrie diet…

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